What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
