i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
