i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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