Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize