I think scott just propositioned me for sex
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
as a side note pls kill me
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
