just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So vagazzling was a success
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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