Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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