Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize