Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
