Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
