do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
