1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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