somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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