I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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