I'm drive I can fine osifer
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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