She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize