I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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