the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
