you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
