The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
