My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
