I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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