Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
