well I can't set my house on fire every night
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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