We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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