making cat noises will not fix the situation.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
