Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
