phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
