I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
