If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
