I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
