k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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