my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
