there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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