I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Randomize
