she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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