Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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