don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
