We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Is her dick bigger than yours?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
