Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
