Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize