There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She's the barista slut.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
