he wants to bone in the snuggie
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i drank out of a bidet.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
