apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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