he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
