DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
