Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
