I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
