): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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