I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just want nice things and good sex
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
