lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
