all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
