im six kinds of drunk right now
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
they call him Oral-B. enough said
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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