i think my tv is drunk
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
