I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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