you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
