oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
