My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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