I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
