Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
