Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
