Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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