I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
