my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
