And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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