and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
