can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
