I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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