Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
