the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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