i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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