? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Randomize
