I hate all girls vehemently.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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