Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
