Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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