my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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