is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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