sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
