I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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