ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
