It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
