It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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