So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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