First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Everything about him screamed your future.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
