Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize