just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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