i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
