Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
