youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
