i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
