yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize