i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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