Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
So vagazzling was a success
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
