i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
