Plan B is the new Plan A
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
