He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We left an ass print on the piano.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
