Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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