yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
