just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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