great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
