Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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