Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
