I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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