sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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