He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
