I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize