Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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