I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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