My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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