Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
