my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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