Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
