Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
